Monday, July 28, 2008

Painful pearlies

So I've really been feeling like the world is beating me to a pulp lately. My painfully boring job has gotten more painful (like big boss surveillance and heaping helpings of reverse atta-boys), the kids have been, well, kids, and Matthew has been so busy working at work and home I feel like I can't stay awake long enough to remember what his face looks like let alone get a reminder glimpse - our schedules just aren't conducive to spousal bonding. Then there's the usual snotty teen problems (although Gwen has mainly been the good child lately) and the four-year-old who is almost five going on 30 and yet has re-discovered the terrible twos.

So on a recent trip to the dentist I was horrified to discover that even though I am a brushing and flossing professional, ("I can't see one speck of tartar or plaque," squeals the hygienist, head 3/4 of the way into my mouth), it seems as though my teeth are crumbling. Like, totally falling out of my head. Like, as in, they are busting apart and I need like a zillion caps. And - dramatic pause - my favorite - that's right folks, more Painful Dental Surgery!!! And my insurance won't pay for most of it! And, like, I'm still really young, vain, and do NOT want to be a denture-clad, toothless mom at my son's first day of Kindergarten next year!!!

My dentist uttered my least favorite phrase in the universe: "Well, it looks like we're going to have to refer you to a dental surgeon."

The last time I was in this position, I spent my entire income tax refund, had a drastic allergic reaction to the pain medication (think Violet in Willy Wonka, then add hives and suicidal tendencies and the inability to stop crying for three weeks), and alienated my family so badly I thought they would kill me before I could off myself and put myself out of misery. But I also quit smoking then. For good. But that's another story.

And that night, when I came back with my great news, my little Mr. lost his SECOND baby tooth - the other tiny pearl onion on the bottom, just next the the ginormous adult bottom tooth beginning to poke through the gumball-pink skin. Ahh, the circle of life, played out dental-style. I just hope h hasn't inherited my PROBLEMS and frequent trips to the dental surgeon.

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