There's a drawback to having a "real" blog though, and it is this: I have to self-edit my mouth. Like, all the time. I can't just go off and say whatever I want to say. And anyone who "knows" me knows this is the hardest thing for me to ever possibly do. Although as an adult, I've learned that self-editing is pretty much ALWAYS a good thing, but still. I really hate it.
So. That's why I am making a return to here, my OWN real Internet home, where I can say whatever the fuck I want and the only trouble I'll get in is maybe offending a reader or losing a reader - which I hope never to do - but this blog is all about honesty and I am honestly feeling like dropping some bad words today. So. Here, a poem, of the welcome back to my bad mouth variety. I've missed you all.
My Dick Is Much Bigger Than Yours
My dick is much bigger than yours,
even if I don't have one for real.
If I did have a real dick, it would thwart your tiny dick
like a conquering dick thwarting machine.
You are nothing to me now
but a bad memory.
Maybe if you'd had a bigger dick,
there would be something better to remember.
Your tiny, forgettable dick
is as lame and useless as anything about you.
You grow more flaccidly useless with age.
More useless than you even were before,
which was pretty fucking useless.
Your small, sad dick is tucked up and away.
My huge dick is beating you angrily like
A big dick beater with hydraulic mega super dick beating abilities.
The only thing bigger than my dick
is your ego
And for no God-given reason
should it be.
You are a tit-less man-lover
in Wal-Mart clothes.
A dirty low whore fucker with a protruding gut
and a gay woman's haircut.
Do you even still have a dick?
I bet you don't.
I bet if you do, it's tinier than a gherkin
and covered with dill pickle warts.
Go brine yourself and die.
~Mahalo for listening.